I read a few things today that made me think about why I'm pushing myself to get thin again. I say again, because I was thin....actually dangerously thin for awhile:
This was sophomore year of high school, so I was 15....but I was even thinner at 17. A combination of aerobics for gym classes and throwing up sporadically due to my awful break-up with Steve and I was fitting into my sister's pants by New Year's Eve. That emotional upheaval in my life probably made me the strongest I have ever been in my body, but I was not there mentally. I was a mess, in fact. This article made me think about that time in my life and why I'm doing this. Who am I doing this for? For myself? For Matt? Am I going to wait until I'm actually pregnant to make sure I'm making healthy choices?
I think what drives me crazy is that it's not easy anymore. I can't eat whatever I want and kick my ass in the gym and be fine. And that's what is killing me right now. I can't just eat whatever I want and I can't kick my ass in the gym because of my hips. Today was an accomplishment. I got 5 servings of fruit and vegetables today, I drank all my water, I didn't eat any simple sugars after 3pm, and I even did 40 minutes of Spin today. And it was freakin' hard. I want potatoes with my chicken and spinach. I want to eat a cookie after dinner and not feel like I've ruined the whole day. Does it get easier? Dr. Pape says that it takes 3 months to form a habit and that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. Definitely not the way I have conditioned my mind or body to lose weight.
Which kind of annoys me about The Biggest Loser. Don't get me wrong, I love the stories, I feel for the people on the show....but you don't see them eating very often. You don't see what it looks like when they sit down with a meal that they make for themselves on the ranch. They eat a lot of Subway, thanks to their marketing agreement. But shows like this convince people (like me) that if you push your body intensely, the fat will melt off.
This journey is a struggle and I need all the help I can get. Let's get me back to this:
I think what drives me crazy is that it's not easy anymore. I can't eat whatever I want and kick my ass in the gym and be fine. And that's what is killing me right now. I can't just eat whatever I want and I can't kick my ass in the gym because of my hips. Today was an accomplishment. I got 5 servings of fruit and vegetables today, I drank all my water, I didn't eat any simple sugars after 3pm, and I even did 40 minutes of Spin today. And it was freakin' hard. I want potatoes with my chicken and spinach. I want to eat a cookie after dinner and not feel like I've ruined the whole day. Does it get easier? Dr. Pape says that it takes 3 months to form a habit and that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. Definitely not the way I have conditioned my mind or body to lose weight.
Which kind of annoys me about The Biggest Loser. Don't get me wrong, I love the stories, I feel for the people on the show....but you don't see them eating very often. You don't see what it looks like when they sit down with a meal that they make for themselves on the ranch. They eat a lot of Subway, thanks to their marketing agreement. But shows like this convince people (like me) that if you push your body intensely, the fat will melt off.
This journey is a struggle and I need all the help I can get. Let's get me back to this:
This was senior year of college. This is one of my sister's prom dresses and I also had a wicked cold that night, but I was pretty healthy then. Lauren kept dragging me to the gym. :)